Alfie's Diary Archive

You have got to worry about this household. There I am, sitting quietly on my bed yesterday, when my mistress says to my master “If […]

Donkey is definitely my favourite character in Shrek. I think his enthusiasm for life reminds me of myself. I watched ‘Shrek de Derde’, or ‘Shrek […]

My weekend is not going according to plan. For a start my mistress is completely insufferable as she has been shortlisted in an international satire […]

I am living with fugitives. It all happened the other night. My owners had been out without me, something to do with not being able […]

Now I know why potato starch can be used as glue. We had a small incident with a blender and some glue last night. When […]

My mistress had nightmares last night. She told me what she was dreaming and given she is trying to arrange an international move, I don’t […]

The first set of fairy lights have been turned on, the Christmas letter is written and my mistress is already working out menus for our […]

This is the letter I have put together to apply for the position of England Manager. I sent it to the Sunday Times and am […]

I have seen pictures of places like Stonehenge and it is leading me to draw a very worrying conclusion. Our moles are digging a perfect […]

The ground is frozen and still the moles dig. Given the choice between hibernation and manual labour, who in their right mind chooses not to […]