Tuesday 27th November 2007

This is the letter I have put together to apply for the position of England Manager. I sent it to the Sunday Times and am waiting to see if it is published. I shan’t know until my master brings the newspaper back from England.


23rd November 2007

Dear sirs,

I have heard that Brian Barwick has not ruled out non-English applicants for the position of Manager of the England football team and that he is looking for a root and branch review. As a Belgian dog who is very familiar with both roots and branches I am convinced that I couldn’t possibly do a worse job than the last incumbent. I am in the process of moving to live in England and will be available to take the job on from the end of January. I hope that the fact I will be living in the Middlesbrough area will not be held against me.

Yours faithfully

Alfie Dog

The diet is not going all that well. Fortunately, for me, my mistress finds me irresistible when I ask nicely for something. Yesterday I asked whether it would be all right for me to eat the ‘long lasting, low fat, chew’ that I was given as a present by my mum. It was hard for my mistress to say no, as she was about to tuck in to a piece of steak. ‘Long lasting’, turned out to be about five minutes. ‘Chew’ was what I did to get large pieces off to swallow. ‘Low fat’ became irrelevant as I was up in the night with an upset stomach. When I get up in the night, it means my mistress had to get up in the night. I can assure you at both 2am and 4am she is not a pretty sight!