Sunday 22nd May 2011

I thought I would continue my advice to young puppies. It’s more the things I wish someone had told me when I was small, but you can never rely on a human to see things in the right light and I didn’t have the benefit of coming into a household with the wisdom of adult dogs to learn from.

Spiders make great toys. You can discover this on two completely different levels. On the one paw you can have fun chasing them and if you are hungry they are a reasonable snack, although it’s better to dispense with the legs first as they can be quite fiddly to swallow. On the other paw, you can present them to your human and sit back and enjoy the reaction. Benefits all round.

Beware of watering cans and hosepipes. They may look like innocent devices for watering the garden or washing the car, but if you find yourself on the wrong end of them you can get quite a shock. We get doused in water if we misbehave in the garden. The watering can is not your friend!

You can earn money but you can’t have your own bank account. It’s a travesty the way we are treated. I have a whole political party of my own to address matters such as these and for those of you who aren’t aware I’ve even had a campaign running for me to stand for Prime Minister. I have been wondering what would happen if I set myself up as The Dog Bank, taking deposits on behalf of dogs with them signing out by swiping their microchip. I wonder how the money laundering legislation would be applied to us. A microchip inserted in your neck is pretty good proof of identity as far as I am concerned.

Alfie Dog with a little help from Rosemary J Kind