Saturday 21st May 2011

I thought today seeing as we are having visitors who want to meet us dogs, that it was a good day to put together some advice to young puppies. I’ve been thinking about this for a while and there are certain things that every puppy should be told. I may continue the idea over the next couple of days as the mood takes me.

The thin squelchy layer of beautiful mud may be deeper than it looks. On the positive side this can enable you to make some interesting body sculptures on the carpet when you next lie down, unless your humans have thought to wash your tummy as well as your paws.

Cats are NOT friendly creatures. Chasing them is fine but if you catch them and they turn round and swipe you across the nose with a paw, then it hurts as they rarely do it with their claws sheathed.

Stealing the Sunday roast will have consequences. Who am I kidding? That one is always worth it whatever the outcome – go for it.

Stagnant water may taste good but it can play havoc with your digestion. It’s best to try small amounts first to see what you can tolerate, rather than go for a full blowout on your first chance of drinking fetid puddles.

This one really goes with the stagnant water one. Only forage through the bin when you can guarantee sleeping with the window open. If you get really bad wind, you will still have to share your bed with your rear end even if your humans make you sleep in another room. This really is a very high price to pay for a well developed sense of smell.

It’s ok to be scared of the dark. It is evil and nasty and is the perfect reason to need to snuggle up to your humans. This is especially true when you wake up at three in the morning and don’t want to stay in your own bed.

I can think of so many more. I shall just have to carry one tomorrow.

Alfie Dog with a little help from Rosemary J Kind