Tuesday 28th October 2008

Well I’m pleased to say we had a very successful party conference yesterday. I invited one or two of the other dogs in to be the audience and whilst the German Shepherd did snore at one or two inopportune moments, the collie seemed genuine in her enthusiastic response.


The main conclusions of the debates were as follows. The current economic crisis would never have happened if the country had been run by dogs. The expression ‘going to the dogs’, which is used by humans to mean something is going wrong, should be changed, as it is a complete fallacy. Dogs aren’t the ones borrowing much more than they can afford. In fact they don’t borrow things at all. They may occasionally take something they weren’t meant to have, but they never do this with the intention of either giving it back or paying for the damage. We live within our means. If there’s something we want that isn’t ours we just become a bit meaner to get it.

The outcome of the ‘Are scraps enough?’ debate is probably fairly predictable. I took a straw poll of the audience on this one and even the German Shepherd raised an eyelid long enough to agree that we should get a whole steak of our own and not just the bits that the kids can’t eat. If his owners are reading this, he did just mention that he’d rather you forewent the mustard.

Dog unemployment is a much harder issue. This debate took a whole different turn than I was expected and by the end of it I was arguing that being a pet is itself a full time job and should be appropriately rewarded. Let’s face it, by appropriate I don’t mean the odd dog biscuit. Even the lowest paid human worker expects to get money that they can spend.