Monday 27th October 2008

I’ve got a quiet day of paw twiddling ahead. I contemplated organising a mass break out with my fellow inmates, but at the end of the day I’m warm, dry, fed at regular intervals and I’m lazy. Instead I have decided to spend my day with the computer playing a few hands of solitaire and then holding the annual conference of the Pet Dogs Democratic Party.

I’ve chosen not to invite television cameras into this year’s conference. We have some very delicate issues to debate and I would hate the discussions to be inhibited by the intrusion of the media. Now I know what you’re thinking. You’re thinking if I am the only one attending the conference what is the quality of debate going to be like. I can reassure you that after nearly three years of talking to myself and having been taught all she knows by my Mistress, I am pretty good at it, even if I say so myself.

Topics on this year’s conference agenda for discussion are the following items. 1) The plight of dogs whose family homes are being repossessed and the question of whether their humans should be allowed to seek refuge in kennels with them. 2) Are scraps enough? A general look at the low number of dogs being invited to sit at the table to eat a full meal with their families.

3) The high level of unemployment amongst dogs and whether they should receive benefits if they simply choose to be a pet. If there’s time I’m thinking of having a special debate on ‘the recognition of the contribution made by dogs to the arts’, but I think that one might take quite a time and I really can’t let the conference overrun into meal times.