Tuesday 3rd June 2008

If they want me to do all right in my training classes they’ll have to stop having bank holidays that give me a week off. It isn’t that I forget what I’m supposed to do. I remember all of it, I practice at home. It’s just the excitement of seeing all the other dogs. I’m overcome with wanting to show off and bark, and howl, and run madly in circles, and disobey. I’m not really a bad dog, not at heart. It’s just too good an opportunity to waste on obeying.

I wondered whether I should make it part of the Pet Dogs Democratic Party manifesto that dog’s shouldn’t simply obey commands of human beings. The subservience that it requires simply doesn’t become our species. We have brains. We can think for ourselves. We may think things like ‘I wonder what his bottom smells like?’ or ‘where will I find the nearest muck to roll in?’ but we do think for ourselves. I suppose if we didn’t have the brain we wouldn’t be very good at learning all the commands. It would be a bit like trying to train your gerbil or goldfish to sit and stay. Can goldfish sit?

I heard some tragic news today. The oak trees in Leicestershire have a deadly disease. I am horrified. As a lover of both acorns and Bradgate Park, this has the potential to be a complete tragedy. What about the oak tree at my grandparents’ house? Will that be safe? What if it spreads to other areas? What will the squirrels do? I’ve already found that you can’t buy acorns on the internet, not that many squirrels have access to the internet. I hope someone has contingency plans for a squirrel feeding programme, with emergency aid being flown in from other areas.