Friday 5th January 2007

Another day another destination. More importantly though I need your help. If I am to become a worldwide cult figure the first step will need to be to get more people to have heard of me. I can do the whole writing to papers and maybe leave the odd business card lying around (if my mistress will let me have some printed) but if it isn’t any trouble could you send an email to some of your friends so they can read my diary too? If you just send a letter something along these lines…

‘Dear xxxx (obviously you fill that bit in)

Immense good fortune will come to the pets of all those that read the diary of the great Alfie Dog (you can leave out the great if you really have to). Please read his diary at If you like it, please send the link to five of your gullible friends, and their pets, so they can share in the good fortune too.’

That should just about cover it although you might want to add something along the lines of ‘Alfie Dog’ is the leader of the Pet Dogs Democratic Party and spends every waking hour campaigning for more rights to be extended to pet dogs.’ (I suppose it is just unfortunate that I don’t have many waking hours!)

Do you think I should put something in about bad things happening to you if you don’t pass the link on? I think that is how chain letters usually work. Alternatively, I could use the tactic of sending it out myself with a warning about some fake virus and see just how long it takes to go all the way round the world and come back to me. Well after all that exertion I need another nap. It is now your turn to do your bit and send it out. I shall know if you have by checking how many people are reading my diary. Thank you in anticipation and lots of frenetic tail wagging.