Humans have an expression ‘being in the dog house’ which really to a dog is a very insulting term as it stems from the presumption that a dog is lower down the pecking order than a human. Anyway, I’m guessing as a dog I should be using a term like ‘I’m in the fish tank’ to carry the same sort of meaning. You may of course be wondering why I am in the fish tank. Can I help it that I am an enthusiastic dog who misses my mistress whenever we are apart and am always pleased to se her on her return? Is it my fault that I want to show her just how much I miss her as I bound over to give her a big hug and as it turns out, chip her front tooth in the process? It isn’t very badly chipped but when you are scared witless by dentists any chip is one too many. She has even wondered whether a bit of sandpaper would take the rough edge of it and prolong the time she can avoid the dentist for. Let’s face it, she has had toothache on and off for about six months, is she really going to rush and see him now just because her tooth is sharp? It wasn’t really her weekend seeing as the one night of the year that everyone gets an additional hour in bed without getting up late she woke up with a sore throat and decided to go and get a cup of coffee. This in itself would not have been a problem if she had been at home but she was staying in someone else’s house and didn’t know they set the house alarm over night. So having crept downstairs without disturbing anyone, she went into the kitchen and set off the alarm waking the whole street at 7.45am on a Sunday morning. Guilt is a wonderful thing! She was already feeling bad from reversing my master’s car into a post the day before. I think she needs a holiday, but in the meantime I am steering well clear.