Tuesday 24th January 2006

Well it’s me again. I gave myself a frightful shock last night. The great thing about being 10 weeks old is that so many things are new. So there I was, it was dark outside, I went up to the office to jot down my thoughts. Then I turned round and found another puppy, just like me, looking at me. I lunged at him and he lunged back. So I growled and shook my towel and surprisingly he did the same. So I went for my ‘piece de resistance’. I got Miffy and shook her ferotiously. Unfortunately it seems he has adopted the same tactics and is also the proud owner of a Miffy toy. What more can a young puppy do? So I settled down for a bit of a nap to recover. Strangely today my fellow canine has disappeared and they have put a window back in his place.

This is why I keep a diary. You know how it is diary, humans just don’t understand. You understand those times when you are in the middle of breakfast and you know you can’t possibly go any further until you have tried to chew the corner off your cushion. And so it was this morning. I stopped dead in my traks and then leapt from my breakfast to the cushion, in an attempt to introduce the element of surprise. That way the cushion can’t be prepared for you. My owner just looked at me as though I was crazy. Oh the fun she misses, if only she would realise that humans could try these games.

Anyway I’m off for a nap now. I need to build up my energy for having my microchip fitted later. What is all that about? They have already given me a tattoo. So much for the European Union, everyone recognises the tattoo system except the United Kingdom. I think there is someone deep in Whitehall with sadistic tendencies towards dogs. You can hear them now “I don’t think that young puppy has suffered enough having a tattoo in his ear. No. Let’s make him have a microchip inserted too”. When I rang the vet I didn’t have the courage to ask where exactly he plans to insert the microchip! Do you think they test the process on humans first to make sure it’s safe for us? And will it enable me to automatically restock my bone store when it detects I am chewing the last one? Now that would make it worth it. If the chip could send a little signal to the butchers so they could send some round before I run out. Just think of the possibilities! My master would be next in line to get one that automatically restocked the Twiglet cabinet! Still he seems to have that one covered by having my mistress around – now I just need to make sure she is trained to restock my bones.

Alfie with a little help from Rosemary J Kind