Saturday 26th September 2009

As swine flu is once again on the increase, I thought you might enjoy this satirical poem that my Mistress wrote:

Swine Flu

In a village in Central America sneezed

a piglet that proved to be, sadly, diseased.

Forgetting his trotter in front of his nose,

around him a great cloud of flu virus rose.

The swine flu from pigs soon mutated to form,

an illness for humans that caused such a storm.


Men sneezing and coughing on all those around

spreading quite liberally the germs, which abound

in tissues and hankies and on children’s arms,

removing what’s left of their innocent charms.

Soon asking themselves if it’s safe to eat pork,

some people spread myths through their terrible talk.


A short break in Mexico proved just the start,

with homeward bound travellers playing their part,

to spread the disease all the way round the earth,

making Government messages of little worth.

‘Catch it and bin it and kill it,’ they retort,

but best not to catch it at all, I’d have thought.


Foreign Office advice, ‘Don’t travel abroad’,

while Governments build up their Tamiflu hoard.

World Health first declaring a category five.

Not quite a pandemic, most people alive.

This soon rose to six, which I think that you’ll find

More potent than ‘man-flu’, that’s all in the mind.


Sneezing in public has become a taboo.

No longer do neighbours reply with ‘Bless you,’

instead they start rapidly moving away,

that you’re not infected, is now what they pray.

It’s better to hold the hay fever in,

as letting it out is now seen as a sin.


There’s no vaccination available yet,

researchers are working long hours you can bet.

The genetic code that they’re trying to crack

could still be mutating and fast changing tack.

They’re injecting virus deep into an egg,
to make up safe vaccine for which we all beg.


Though eggs are involved please don’t be concerned,
it won’t produce bird flu, that much we have learned.

For Avian flu is quite different you see,

it doesn’t yet travel between you and me.

As soon as it does we’ll be forced to decide,
which vaccine to make to be on the safe side.

If these flu strains combine, then soon we’ll be led,

to think pink flying piglets aren’t all in the head.

This small piglet’s tale has a moral for you,

it’s definitely safer to not catch the flu.

If sneezing please cover your mouth and your nose,
and try not to blow mucus out onto your clothes.

© Rosemary J Kind 2009.

(do not copy without the writer’s express permission)