Sunday 11th January 2009

Every so often I send an email to my mum or sister to check they are ok. I might send the odd email to my granny and very occasionally to other people. I don’t have a criminal record. I don’t even know if it’s possible for a dog to have a criminal record and yet the Government now wants to keep a copy of all my correspondence just in case I’m saying anything they don’t like. I’m basically a pacifist sort of dog, except when I meet Labradors out in public, but apart from that I am about as gentle as they come. If I write that there is the sound of shooting coming from our lounge, do you think there’ll be someone on the doorstep wanting to investigate a six year old playing Lego Star Wars?

It makes you wonder whether people will go back to writing letters as a safer way of communicating. Maybe this is all a Government policy to prop up the Post Office and give them more work. Perhaps it should be letters written in code or invisible ink. Of course, this would only work if the recipient knew what system you were using. Perhaps I should start writing my diary in code in case the Government is trying to read it. Just so you know I’m going to move the first letter to the end of the word – but don’t tell anyone.

oS hat’st bouta ti romf em orf odayt. ‘mI ffo orf a icen ongl alkw aterl henw I illw hinkt bouta hatw odec ot seu omorrowt. yeB orf own.