Saturday 26th April 2008

Annie(front), Lia (middle) and Wilma (back)

I feel numb. I still can’t believe that Bella isn’t coming home. My Mistress has put together all the new things we bought for her and put them in a box. It wouldn’t feel right for me to use any of them. I sat and looked at the bowl and thought how nice it had been standing side by side eating. Bella had hers on the floor, whereas mine is raised up on a stand because I’m so much taller. My Mistress and I spent most of the day cuddled up together, neither one of us feeling very much like playing. We’ve had some lovely flowers from people in our village. My Mistress asked if I minded her having them to look at for a day or two before she lets me have a nibble, I thought it was the least I could do. We’ve taken down quite a few of the posters, but not all of them yet. It was too depressing having to go and explain to people why they could take them down.

It’s funny when you’re grieving, you start thinking of all the ‘what ifs’. I was wondering whether if I had carried on running after her, I might have persuaded her to come home. My Mistress said there was no point talking like that it was quite possible that something bad would have happened to me too. I know she’s right, but I just wish there was something I could have done.  I do know that life will never be the same again. I thought I liked being an only dog, but I simply hadn’t found the right girl to share my family with. My Mistress has tried to explain that things will start to feel a little better as time goes by, but it just feels horrible at the moment.