Wednesday 13th February 2008

Oh you have to laugh, my mistress is at the dentist again. I said she should take her teeth back and try to get a refund, they’re clearly defective. I didn’t like to suggest she cut down on the marzipan as I would lose out then as well. The worrying thought is that if I keep eating marzipan I might need to go to a dentist myself one day.

My master is worried that he might not know how to fit into village life. For a dog it is a question of finding which are the right lampposts to pee on, but it’s not so simple for humans. He has resorted to watching ‘The Vicar of Dibley’ to see if he can pick up any clues. Now all he has to do is decide which of the characters he is going to model himself on. I did make some suggestions but they don’t seem to have been welcomed. Apparently there is a village pantomime each year. I just need to find out whether there are any parts for dogs.

We have to drive home via some shops today. There are essential supplies to be purchased. In essence this seems to amount to toilet brushes. Life is so much easier when you are a dog. We have no wardrobes or chests of drawers, so there is nowhere to store clothes. Half the house is in boxes because there is nowhere to put everything and what is the most important thing to buy? Toilet brushes. Isn’t it funny what can be top priority to humans?

At least having a couple of days away from the unpacking should give my mistress an opportunity for her bruises to go down a bit. Moving house is a dangerous job. It takes her several weeks of walking into all the furniture before she accurately memorises the positions. Then the biggest risk is someone moving something an inch or two.