Saturday 8th July 2006

I have been trying to use the text facility on my mobile phone. I thought I would just send a note to my mistress to say “Hello it is your dog here. I just wanted to say that I am missing you. Love Alfie” Now I had read in the manual that there is a thing called ‘predictive text’ which means it guesses the right words and you don’t have to press the keys as many times. Unfortunately I don’t think that facility can be turned on, on the phone I’ve got. What my message actually read was “gdjjm gt gp wmtp dmg gdpd. G jtpt wamtdd tm paw tgat g am mgppgmg wmt. Jmtd Ajdgd” So unless my mistress has got a few hours to spare working out the code it seems a bit pointless. It is really hard with paws to push the right key but to have to push the same one more than once is hopeless. I have got the phone numbers set up on speed dial settings so that I only have to hit one button. I have found that I am better putting a stick in my mouth and using that to hit the keys, but then with texting I am too slow and it has moved on to the next letter before I have got the last one right. Perhaps I should try and design a more suitable mobile phone for a dog.

After my phone playing such awful music when it rang yesterday I set about changing it to something more personal. My mistress has hers playing her own voice telling her “Your phone’s ringing, your phone’s ringing” so I thought maybe I would record my voice for mine. The problem was that as soon as I started howling al the other dogs joined in so I ended up with a riotous cacophony of sound. Either way it is better than the tinny music it was playing, all artificially jolly and absolutely annoying. After all that I just need it to ring again to see what happens.

It really is no good. The first thing I need my mistress to sort when I get home is my bed. It just hasn’t grown at the same rate that I have. When I was a young puppy I needed to gather my toys up in the other corner to make it feel less big and daunting. Now not only is there no spare room for my toys there doesn’t seem to be entirely enough room for the odd leg, paw and tail either. I think I would like one such as they have just bought where the mattress is specially designed to support all my little curves. I’m guessing given that I am as happy curling up on the floor, the settee or for that matter my mistress’s feet that may be a little excessive, but a dog has to have standards.