Sunday 12th February 2006

Well I haven’t slept a wink. I have been tossing and turning wondering what to do about the acorns. I have been wondering whether my owner would bail me out if the police badger arrests me. Then I started wondering whether I could convince the police badger that it was my mistress rather than me that did it. If Buzzard saw us, he must have seen that we were both there, I don’t get to go for a walk without her, she feels left out. Admittedly I was the one with my nose stuck in the ground digging them up but do you think the footage from the Buzzard would be good enough to show that up? Anyway my conclusion was that it was not worth taking any chances, so straight after breakfast I slipped outside and while my owner thought I was going to the toilet, I quickly dug up and ate all the acorns I could find. I am hoping that if badger comes back I will have eliminated all the incriminating evidence. So now it is just a matter of waiting.

I’m not sure I really get this whole Valentine’s Day thing. My mistress has spent absolutely hours doing something as a surprise for the master. I keep asking what it is but she won’t tell me because she thinks I might blab. I ask you, me blab? I’m discretion itself. And she needn’t think I’m going to let the master anywhere near reading my diary.

I’ve been having a close look at the plants in the intensive care unit, that’s what my mistress calls the ones on the kitchen window ledge. When I say look, I may actually mean nibble. Surprisingly this seems to be an area where humans and dogs have different expectations. You can’t tell if a plant is getting better just by looking at it. You need to know if it has the right taste to it. Well I can report the branch that accidentally came off in my paws, tasted just fine. I tried telling my mistress, the rest of the plant may look a little lop-sided to her way of thinking, but I hear that is the latest fashion in house plants, at least it is going to have to be in this house!