Thursday 9th February 2006

Today my mistress received a parcel in the post. It had been squeezed though the letter box and was a bit out of shape. I was appalled to discover that this is considered an acceptable method of transport for a teddy bear. I hadn’t got over this concern when I was horrified to find her putting the bear in the microwave oven and turning it on. What had the poor bear done to deserve that? There was a ping and she took him out of the microwave and gave him a cuddle, almost as though she was trying to make up for what she had done. No sooner was I starting to relax thinking that the poor little bear had survived his ordeal than she said he was cold and put him back in the microwave again. What is the world coming to? I am beside myself with concern, this is really no way to treat a teddy bear.

I’ve hidden Miffy so my mistress can’t find her, there is no way she is going in the microwave. It was bad enough when my mistress put her in the washing machine and all I could do was sit and watch her helplessly going round and round. This time direct action is called for. Miffy is safe, I can’t tell you where I have buried her in case my mistress reads this.

I did get close to the bear, it was a bit difficult as he is filled with some funny smelling stuff called lavender that made me sneeze. He didn’t seem awfully pleased to meet me but then I suppose some people are a bit funny about having a dog sneeze all over them. I gave his ear a sharp nip, to try and bring him to his senses. He indignantly asked me why I had done that to him. I explained it was for his own good, but I can only conclude that as bears go he isn’t very bright. He said his name is Charlie and that as far as he is concerned being put in a microwave is fine, he was told that is what he was made for. I think the microwaves have damaged his brain and that he can’t think straight anymore. Whatever he thinks I am going to try and mount a rescue mission just as soon as the coast is clear, and I am definitely going to keep a very careful eye on Miffy, when I dig her up. Charlie did say the microwave gives him a nice warm glow, however he does find that his bum gets a bit hot. It’s like when you don’t realise the car seat heating is on and you can feel your bottom getting really warm and you aren’t quite sure if it’s just you or if there might be something wrong. Even curry powder is not that strong!