Tuesday 31st January 2006

Odd sort of a day really. First I see a man with a gun walking past the gate at the end of my garden, then when he’s gone out come two pheasants that were hiding behind our hedge. Now I don’t know that the bloke meant them any harm but it was funny how they hid until he had gone. We went for a walk down the lane sometime later, but the man and the pheasants had all gone by then. I did try and see if I can bark and growl properly yet. Firstly I tried to bark in greeting to a Yorkie and a Westie that came to greet me at their gate.  I don’t think they even heard me my bark was so quiet. Then we came to a field of horses and I thought I would make clear who was boss so I tried to growl. Well, it’s safe to say they certainly won’t have gone away scared by me!

I have been rethinking my career options. I may have been being a little hasty with the idea of fashion consultant. Who is going to take seriously someone who turns up in the same clothes every day? I’ve been thinking more of advertising. I’ve been working on one or two slogans while I was walking. How about ‘Acorns, one bite and your hoaked’ or ‘Mud, every puppy’s dream. You can roll in it, squelch it through your toes, eat it and with the added attraction of being able to repulse your owner with it.’ Not as catchy as the acorn one but it has appeal to the buying dog. Or maybe a doggy safety campaign ‘Bones – you can chew them, gnaw them, bury them but best not to break them!’ No maybe I am not cut out for advertising. Looking through the paper last night, just before I peed on it, I have to say there really weren’t many companies advertising for dogs. Perhaps it’s time to start a campaign to extend the discrimination legislation a little further. Not only should it not be OK to say you want a man or a woman for a particular job, why can’t it be illegal to specify they have to be human. There are so many jobs a dog can do and for that matter perhaps the current jobs that are exclusive to dogs should be opened up to other species including humans. You could have a ‘guide cat for the blind’ and maybe a hamster might want to carry a barrel in a rescue operation instead of a St Bernard and thinking of it from the perspective of other species, why should dogs have all the fun sniffing out drugs? Now that I think about it there are quite a few possible jobs I could apply for. I’m just off to practice my sniffing.

Alfie with a little help from Rosemary J Kind