Saturday 3rd January 2010

It occurs to me that this is an election year and we can look forward, with some certainty, to a change of Government. (Either that or the UK electorate have really lost the plot.) Anyway, this seems an opportune time to remind you of my campaign to become the next Prime Minister. I would of course be the youngest Prime Minister the country has ever had and would go down in history for that achievement, if not for being the first dog, which I know amongst many of you would be debateable. I would with some certainty, be the first four legged Prime Minister and the only one that in this day and age still has to use an outside toilet. (It’s minus 3 outside and I still have to go out to pee – where is the justice in that?).

As Prime Minister, I would promise a new equality, regardless of sex, colour, religion or species. Yes, I’m brave enough to offer equality to cats as well as dogs, although I’m not sure yet at what age they will be allowed to vote. We’ve discussed the possibility of guide cats for the blind and sniffer mice before, but this is your opportunity to make such plans a reality.

I’ve been developing some of my foreign policies. In particular, I have been thinking of some of the world’s war zones. I think the answer is to send in a pack of dogs that can calm everyone down. If they spent a little more time out walking and snuggled up in front of the fire with a warm dog, I believe they would be less likely to want to go out and shoot each other. For this purpose, Jack Russells will not be used as they alone present a reason to go to war.