Sunday 15th July 2007

Only a few more days until my new car arrives. I say my, but I think that may be a bone of contention. I have been trying to work out the best way to mark it as my own. Obviously, I will leave the requisite dog hairs all over it, but I need some other way to mark it as mine. I don’t want to damage it. I was just wondering what the dog equivalent would be of having a green sticker across the window that said ‘Daz and Trace’, or the upmarket version, which in England is a personalised number plate. I wonder if I could have a Belgian plate that said Alfie, in England it would be ‘ALF 1 E’ but it would be very expensive. It would be fun though.

My master wants to know how you get hedges to be all interesting shapes. My mistress made the mistake of telling him that you can do it with anything. She likened it to the ancient tradition of binding feet to keep them small, which led my master to ask whether they went at those with a chain-saw too. I worry about him sometimes. The point at which he said there was a nuthatch in the garden that needed to be made he same shape, and that it currently had its head sticking out, worried me even more. I don’t suppose he would really do something like that but I am hiding my miffy toy, just in case. In all honesty I think it is unwise to let him near power tools of any variety, the glint in his eyes is enough to make me run for cover and my mistress groan.

It is their first wedding anniversary today. I still haven’t absolutely forgiven them for not taking me to the wedding, but I suppose there is a limit to how long I should bear a grudge.