Thursday 31st May 2007

Whose diary is this anyway? Whose Woodland stories? It was bad enough being left out of a business lunch but now my mistress is going to a ‘Writers Conference’ and not taking me with her. She assumes dogs can’t go but has she asked. Has she rung up and said “My dog Alfie is really the literary one of the family. Is it possible for him to register and me just to come and keep him company?” It’s all very well her gallivanting off to meet agents and editors and learn how to write in a more eloquent fashion but where would she actually be without me? I am her inspiration, her whole ‘raison d’etre’ – of course I realise that should have an accent on but I can’t find the right button on the computer!- She is going to regret this one. There will come a day when I am famous and they ask who has been my inspiration and who do you think I will say? Am I really going to give credit to a mistress who leaves me out at all the critical stages in the process? You just wait for them to roll out the red carpet especially for Alfie Dog to walk down it, it won’t be my mistress by my side, oh no. It will be…, ok it will probably be my mistress but I shouldn’t really let her get off that easily. It’s just that if I took my friend Elvis we would cause mayhem between us. He hasn’t actually learnt any commands yet and can be a little unpredictable. He can only get away with it because he is so small.

I am worried about my master. Since my mistress has been getting a new car he hasn’t been able to take his nose out of the car magazines and seems to think he wants a new one too. I said to him if he was going to want a ‘new car’ that often he would have to choose something very small and probably second hand. I wonder if there are still any trabants out there.