Tuesday 13th March 2007

I’ve got a new toy. At least my mistress says it is a toy but I have no idea how to play it. Worryingly it seems to more complicated that your basic ball, frisby or rope. It looks more like the sort of ‘activity toy’ that help in the development of young children. I thought that as a dog I was exempt from the need for such earnest development. Apparently, my mistress has to hide dog treats, under little wooden blocks, I have to sniff out the treat, lift the block out of the hole and then I get the treat. I have asked that the instructions be amended to read ‘marzipan’ instead of dog treat. What I have not yet got is the lifting the block out to get to the treat. I have tried licking the blocks. I have tried licking my mistress. I have tried looking sadly at the game to see if she will get the treat for me but I can’t quite get my head round having to lift the block up and look underneath it. My master thinks the game is great because it will keep my mistress amused for hours but I really am sure she takes no pleasure in my getting frustrated.

Spending as much time as I do on the internet, I can’t help but wonder why there is so much ‘spam’? Why do people keep writing to me about things that are so inappropriate? They would be bad enough if I were human but they are totally not suitable for dogs. I don’t think a plastic surgeon would expect me to turn up saying “I would like you to do that to me please”. Surely, humans don’t do things like that do they? If they do I really don’t want to know. Dogs are so much better at being happier with the way they were born. I suppose some of us go to Dog Shows and become disillusioned that we are not as attractive as our owners have told us we are but we don’t go rushing out to plastic surgeons to make changes. I wonder if I should consider getting the white line up my forehead straightened.