Sunday 29th October 2006

I am beginning to think that I need to start chewing books. It seems to be the only way I can think to stop my mistress from reading them. I have no objection to her broadening her mind on harmless reading but books that give her ideas on how to train me should be censored. I am starting to think wistfully of the days at the dog training classes when the worst I had to do was sit with my delicate little bottom in ten centimetres of muddy water. If I wanted to be understood I would explain myself to her. I don’t need her starting to understand dog psychology and second guess what I am going to do before I have even decided for myself. I am consciously trying to be irrational to confuse her. It‘s the little things like walking to heel out of choice when I am off the lead, that really gets her going. She doesn’t expect that. I try to be as much a ‘scenting hound’ as a ‘herding dog’ but I guess at heart all I really want to be is a spoilt family pet with attitude.

Whatever happened to autumn being cold? It’s a bit like your phone ringing in the middle of the night and waking you unexpectedly, at least it is to the moles. They keep thinking it is spring, popping up creating another hole and then popping back down for a nap. I have contemplated sitting outside with a big mallet and waiting for them to come up but it would only be like that fairground game where you end up hitting the wrong holes. Knowing my luck they would come up behind me and ambush me. Apparently our lawn is going to be reseeded to get rid of the evidence of the several dozen muddy patches but I’m thinking if they are still asleep underneath it could be a bit of a pointless exercise, besides which with the number of birds round here, the chances are the seed would get eaten anyway. Although we could do a swap as there appears to be grass growing out of the bird feeder.