Thursday 12th October 2006

I am still finding it difficult to understand how a trip to a big shop called Ikea to buy a desk could possible lead to my master and mistress bringing back a large plant for the lounge. If my mistress was any good at keeping plants it wouldn’t be so bad but to be a live plant in this house you have to thrive on neglect, so on the whole only cacti and succulents apply for the available positions. What is even more confusing is that the Yucca was in fact my master’s choice and he has to be reminded to feed me so a plant doesn’t stand much chance at all, unless it drinks beer in which case it may be in with a chance. I am also presupposing that this is not an immediate answer to my demands for an inside toilet and that I am not supposed to be using it in that capacity.

The PDDP has had a completely independent election for its leadership and I am proud to announce that I have been elected to the position with 100% of the votes. In fairness I am still the only member of the party so it wasn’t that difficult and thankfully I was unopposed. As leader I am ready to announce more of the policies of the party and these will include extending the laws on the minimum wage and the working time directive to cover all dogs as well as humans. The only difference being that the minimum wage for dogs will apply in full from 6 months old and not 18 years of age which would clearly be ridiculous as few dogs live that long. The introduction of these laws may increase the number of jobs for guide dogs and hearing dogs as they will need to work a shift system so as not to be in breach of the working time directive and clearly a dog should never be pressurised to sign a waiver.