Saturday 9th September 2006

I think the books my mistress reads should be censored. It isn’t that they are full of bad language and violence, it is just that she is driving me nuts. My master recently bought Terry Pratchett ‘Thud’ as an audio book read by Tony Robinson and my mistress is completely hooked. It is bad enough when my master starts pretending to be a troll and my mistress does the vampire voice but now my walk is being affected and I think it ought to stop. There is a bit in the book that is one character reading a children’s book to his son. We were walking down the track by the woods behind the house when my mistress suddenly said ‘Where’s my cow.’ Then added ‘That’s not my cow, it goes baa, it is a sheep.’ Now if this had happened once I could have forgiven her but two days running! It isn’t as though we had seen any sheep. Maybe she needs a rest poor dear, but it must be one in which I confiscate her book. On a more promising note for our walks, I have noticed a very wide range of different types of mushroom and toadstool. I need to get my hands on a book that tells me which ones are safe to eat and which ones have ‘magic’ properties. I would so hate to have to wrong ones and make myself ill.

Listening in on conversations is never a good thing. I overheard my mistress booking my operation and now I have a couple of weeks to worry about it. I did hear her say I will not need long to recover but the worst of it is that I also heard her say I am not allowed any breakfast that day. Not only that but apparently they said I may not feel much like eating for the rest of the day either. It must be really serious if it will be enough to put me off my food. In my experience it is only really long car journeys to strange places that put me off my food and I wouldn’t recommend them to anyone. It doesn’t help that I have to travel for an hour and a half each way to get to the place doing my operation, for all that trouble they had better be good. I hope they have nice soft warm hands!