Friday 23rd June 2006

Some while ago my mistress went to see a comedian that obviously likes spiders about as much as she does. He talked about categorising them into three types with the largest being sufficient justification to move house. In our house the categories work a little more as follows: Category 1, insignificant spiders that my mistress will tolerate sharing the house with unless they come too close or grow. Category 2, medium sized spiders that are permitted to stay as long as they are in out of the way places, alternatively if they can be reached I eat them. Category 3, spiders that are of sufficient size that they are not permitted to stay in the house which my master removes by hand, I eat or my mistress manages to remove with a glass. Category 4, these require removal by my master or me failing which they will be killed by my mistress. Category 5 and over my mistress is likely to scream if they move, not want to allow them out of someone’s sight until removed in case they hide and which involve calling in any emergency service if my master or I are not available or if I fail to deal with the problem to her satisfaction.  In this instance her emergency services have ranged from a neighbour to an estate agent! Just don’t ask.

Depressingly my mistress seems to be back on to trying to learn Dutch. I can see it now the Scrabble set is going to come out again. Watching them playing Scrabble in Dutch really is worse than watching paint dry. You wouldn’t think that someone could get so excited about knowing how to spell such short words! As long as they don’t try reading any more Miffy bedtime stories to me in Dutch, I’m just not ready for that. Mind you I don’ think Miffy is ready for me either. I had totally forgotten how satisfying it is to chew her ears. Unfortunately unless someone buys me another Miffy I am not going to be able to do it anymore either. I have two Miffy toys and not an ear between them. The last bits were removed a couple of days ago. It is amazing just how far round the lounge you can distribute the filling if you really try hard enough. Despite my mistress’s best endeavours, Miffy’s ears are now beyond repair.

From observation turquoise is ‘in’ this season. I guess I am destined to be out of fashion until black, brown and white are back! At least with my colours you don’t stop and think you can have too much of a good thing. My mistress says she likes turquoise and told me that many years ago when it was the ‘in colour’ when she was young, she had a turquoise jump suit. Personally I think that just goes to prove my point, that you can have too much of a good thing!