Sunday 18th June 2006

We had an incident yesterday. A bad case of concussion, and it wasn’t my fault. A young bird flew into the lounge through the open French window and then tried to fly back out through the closed one. I rushed to the scene to see how I could help and also to see if licking the bird would make it feel better, but for some reason my mistress thought it would be better if I were out of the way. Then she opened the other French window and after enough recovery time the little bird flew out. I chased round the garden to see if I could find it but to no avail. My master asked if we had written it in the ‘Accident Book’ but I think he was only joking. In this house we would need a whole series of books rather than just one. Perhaps we should have accident books covering different subjects such as ‘Accidents caused by my mistress to herself without any help from anyone else’ this would be the biggest volume, although it would be a close contest with ‘Accidents caused to anyone by Alfie’. Then there would be one smaller volume for ‘All other accidents’. All other accidents would principally comprise of birds flying into the windows. Why? Why do they do it? Don’t they learn from each other? Admittedly when the glass doors to the lounge are closed I have once or twice run straight into them, in my defence so has my mistress. In her case it was more walked rather than run. If she had run it would have been more of a mess. Perhaps we should put tape across all the windows at dog, mistress and bird ‘eye height’ to stop it happening.

If we are going to start the accident books I could put the distress caused to my master when I jumped up him yesterday morning. It was just after he had got out of the shower and had no clothes on. Apparently that bit of him is quite delicate and didn’t want my claw on it, or for that matter he didn’t want me leaving a line of claw marks down his thigh. Humans really are a bit soft when compared to dogs. I banged my head really hard on the underside of the dining table on Friday and it had absolutely no effect at all. Although my mistress says that is questionable but I don’t really know what she means.

I am a little fed up that I have not been allowed my weekend morning lie in this weekend. Ok so I spend half the day asleep, but it really isn’t the same as being allowed to stay in bed, undisturbed, in the morning. Why can’t my mistress understand that mornings are for sleeping?