Sunday 4th June 2006

After the events of the last few days I am looking forward to a day of being a normal puppy and going to play with other puppies on this walk today. Once again the forecast is rain which at least gives me the opportunity to get muddy into the bargain. When I say ‘normal’ that is in the sense of planning to misbehave, pull on my lead and generally show the other dogs that in our house I am the boss. Of course the fact that my mistress is a big softy and whilst my master was away for a couple of days let me snuggle up on their bed, just about proves the point. My master put his foot down in a most unconvincing fashion when he came home, so I think it is only a question of a few cute looks and I will have him completely under control. I do need to work out how to get into the good books with my mistress though, as I really need her to take me to try and track down mole’s ring.

Well after careful consideration you should disregard everything I said about dog food and how human food should be more like it. What did I know? I was just a young puppy. On reflection I want parma ham too. Oh, the strawberries my mistress had smelt quite good too. Does she share any of these bits with me? I don’t think so. The best I can hope for is my morning Frostie, singular, and the odd plain crisp. I am seriously considering taking action. I pretended to be on hunger strike and refused to eat my food but once my mistress left the room I wolfed it down anyway. As I don’t get to do the clearing up she knew I’d had it. I tried to tell her it was the ‘rubbish fairy’ but she explained that wasn’t real and it is just how she explains to my master how the rubbish gets out to the bin without his assistance. Bother, I really need to learn which make believe character each of them has invented. I should have said it was the purple worm, as that was the character invented by the master when he felt left out at not seeing all the woodland animals.

I have also discovered today that pheasants are stupid creatures. One tried flying into the landing window today and it wasn’t even open. I don’t know which is worse, it trying to get in where my mistress could have invited it straight into the kitchen, or hitting it’s head on a closed window and slumping stunned to the floor. I got up quite quickly and squawked a bit in disgust.