Saturday 20th May 2006

It turns out that deciding to use my raised leg to scratch, part way through cocking it to pee, has disastrous consequences. Basically, I fell over in a quite undignified fashion. All well and good for my mistress to stand there laughing at me but hurt pride is not a laughing matter! She has also stepped up her attempts at training me. She has resolved to spend half an hour a day trying to get me to work the way she wants. “Heel Alfie” “Sit Alfie” “Down Alfie” “Fetch Alfie” it really is too much. I am even finding myself accidentally complying because it is easier than objecting. I can at least still pride myself on ignoring my master’s commands with the added advantage that it really winds him up if I do what my mistress says and not what he says.

The wedding plans seem to be coming along. It’s quite funny watching my mistress getting frustrated with my master when he wants to watch a football match instead of writing invitations. When is she ever going to understand that it is a ‘man thing’ it isn’t that writing invitations isn’t important, it’s just that they will still be there when the football has finished. It’s a bit like eating our lunch. What is the point in eating mine, which I know my mistress is not going to start to eat, when I can eat hers first and then go back for my own. It makes sense to do it that way round.

Nicole or squirrel as she was formerly known, came round to say that Harry hedgehog was going to be bust for a very long time with all the animals that were coming forward to seek redress for the crimes he has committed over the years. He is sure he didn’t actually do some of them but he can’t be absolutely certain. He is having to just take down the names and addresses and details of what was stolen and then will go back and talk to them properly over the next few weeks. Nicole said that when she came by there was a queue of a magpie, a deer and 2 weasels just waiting to give their details. I guess he is going to be a bit busy for a while. As he isn’t going to be free for a while Nicole and I have decided to go for a picnic again this afternoon. This time I am going to be a little less over enthusiastic on the food I pack and just bring a few sandwiches for me and a few nuts for squirrel. I rediscovered one of the acorn stores when I was out with my mistress on a different route that we haven’t done for a while so I can go and get some of those to take.