Monday 8th December 2008

I would like to receive interesting post. Letters such as ‘Dear Alfie, we think you’re wonderful’, not ‘Dear Alfie, your worming treatment is due.’ That sits along with things like ‘your account is overdue’. It isn’t just the message it gives it’s the insinuation you’ve been doing something wrong. They only think I need to be wormed because they are suggesting I have been foraging around for food wherever I can find it, including dead animals with worms. What kind of dog do they think I am? Admittedly, I do a little foraging now and again, but never dead things, not unless they’ve been thoroughly cooked and had a light white wine sauce applied first. I have my standards. Who is going to elect as prime minister a dog that lives on road-kill?

On the subject of my election campaign, I have found a competition for political blogs that asks you to submit ten days of your writings from the year. I now need to work out which of my policies will attract the most sympathy. Clearly, my campaign for the minimum wage and the working time directive to apply to dogs are important. Will I get less sympathy in the current economic climate with my call for pensions, free buss passes and free health care? Is the country ready for providing universal suffrage to all dogs over the age of two and a half years old? Have I gone too far in my call for an end to compulsory euthanasia? Although from a dog point of view, this one is very important.

So many of the basic human rights are denied to dogs and what recourse do we have? How many cases have been successfully brought through the European Courts by dogs? It’s all very well saying you are on the side of the under dog, but it’s time to show this in real terms. We don’t want to be the underdog any more, we want to be top dog. Being strictly honest, we can’t all be top dog at the same time, so may have to take it in turns.