Saturday 1st September 2007

I need to spend the day reinforcing my defences. The moles are now approaching on all sides. They have nearly made it as far as the house with their main battalion, but they have now started a rearguard action and have another battalion coming round in a pincer movement. There is just a chance I have been spending too long lying on the settee next to my master playing on computer games. At least I haven’t tried using a warship to kill a herd of cows. To be fair to my master that was Andrew, who seemed to think it was rather fun. My mistress was most alarmed by the whole thing. Anyway back to the moles, they are in all areas of the garden and approaching rapidly. Do you think there could ever be a situation where they pop up and plant their little flag and say they are now in charge of this patch of land and we now come under ‘mole rule’? I wonder what their policy is on taxation, it might actually be a favourable move. You can just see it now:

“Dear Belgian taxman

Much as we would love to be giving money to you, our house is no longer part of Belgium but has been taken over by the Mole Republic. I enclose a copy of their tax policies and look forward to you contacting them direct.

Yours sincerely,

Alfie Dog

(subject of the Mole Republic)”

It is almost worth sending something like that just to see what sort of reaction we get. Of course with the language barrier it may become a little confusing, but I am sure we could convince them in the end.

I did claim I was trying to scare the moles when I went outside and had a good bark. My mistress said I would bark myself hoarse. I thought she said ‘horse’ so I said “Nay”. She didn’t seem to think it was very funny. I would be better trying that one on my master.