Saturday 1st July 2006

My mistress assumes I have been eating more of the plant in the garden that seems to drive me crazy. In my defence I’m just a boy and therefore have a lot of energy. I was tearing round the garden at a very past pace and ran head-long into the back of my mistress’s legs causing her to buckle. She only just managed to regain her balance in order to prevent herself going head first into the pool that she was cleaning at the time. Clearly next time I need to hit her just that little bit harder. I said to her when she complained “Go on admit it, you would have laughed.” But she didn’t seem so convinced. She tried saying if I didn’t watch out she would throw me in for the first time to see if I can swim. She’s got a point, perhaps I need to be more careful. I am sure I will go in one day but I would like it to be in my own good time and that just hasn’t come round yet. What I don’t understand is if she is still prepared to go in the swimming pool when it is cloudy and threatening rain why won’t she have the roof down on the car if it isn’t sunny?

I have found somewhere on the map called Dog Village, just outside Exeter and I really want to go and see what it is like. So you think that dogs get special priority there? I wonder if my mistress would take me when I can travel later in the year. Perhaps people aren’t allowed to go and I would have to go on my own. I have also found a place called Hound near Southampton, and there is an Alfieri in Italy that really ought to be my sort of place. That will at least give my travels an international flavour.

I have been practising with some software that lets you change photographs. I am assuming the exclusion of me from the ‘engagement photo’ was an oversight that my master and mistress would like me to correct. If I can get the hang of it I will also be able to use it on the wedding photos to make it look as though I was there after all. My attempts so far have put my head on a human body, which really does look strange, I think because the style of clothes in question didn’t really suit me. Perhaps I would have been better trying a man’s body. I have also managed one where I cut my ears off and that can never be a good thing. I can’t ask my mistress for help as I want it to be a surprise.