Friday 30th June 2006

My mistress doesn’t seem to throw very much away. I have been going through a cupboard and discovered she still has all her school books, some of which look VERY old. The sad bit is that when I asked her a few test questions it turns out that she has a good forgetory as well as a good memory. There are an awful lot of things she must have known once that she doesn’t seem to know now. I thought maybe I would like to study something, I could be an educated dog, may be a philosopher. I am seriously wondering if I could become a dog with a social conscience, although I don’t fancy some of the implications of that, I rather enjoy being irresponsible. My mistress suggested I should read ‘Animal Farm’ so if I can get out of the lethargic feeling I seem to be overwhelmed by I might give it a try.

I am getting very worried about the bird table. I realise it is nice to bring your friends round but it is always best if those friends know how to behave in someone else’s house. Well the greater spotted woodpecker seems to have brought a pair of lesser spotted woodpeckers round and whilst eating the peanuts is fine as long as we refill them regularly, it is the bird table itself I am worried about. They seem to be pecking the trunk of it from 3 of the 4 sides. What is going to happen if they meet in the middle? Is the whole thing going to come toppling down? That sort of behaviour is really not all right. It would be like me chewing something that doesn’t belong to me. Oh yes I might think about it every so often, but I don’t actually do it. I have been out to try and talk to them about it, but the minute I turn my back and come inside they carry on as though they didn’t hear me. Well it will be their loss if the bird table is broken and how precisely are they going to explain that to all the little birds?

I have been practising being a herding dog and have rounded all my toys up in one corner of the room. The problem is that once I have done it they stay where they are so I don’t get much practise. Every so often I will liberally redistribute them around the house, usually leaving them in the most inconvenient places I can find and then I can start herding again. I do try herding anyone that comes for a walk with me but on the whole they don’t appreciate my talents and just complain that I am trying to trip them up. They do say you are never appreciated in your home town, perhaps if I went to the next town and herded people there they would appreciate it more.