Monday 6th February 2006

Well I saw my lawyer again today, in respect of my discrimination case against Santa. He is struggling to find legislation that covers it directly. I can’t claim as sex discrimination as the fact that I am male has no bearing and no one seems to think that being a dog qualifies under any sort or racial or cultural grouping. All the discrimination seems to start from the assumption that you are human. So it seems does the ‘Human Rights Act’. What about the rights of puppies? Surely I must have some rights? However, neither does there seem to be any legislation protecting the rights of deer so maybe we are on a level playing field. Do you think there is anything to prevent me claiming to be a deer rather than a dog? My lawyer seems to think the only thing I am covered by is legislation to make sure no one is cruel to me. Do you think I can claim Santa is being cruel not letting me pull his sledge? I don’t suppose I would get much sympathy trying to accuse Santa of cruelty when he gives everyone so many lovely presents. So it is my plaintive looks and big brown eyes V Santa’s presents – which one do you go for children? I’m cute, really I am!

So I guess I will just have to give up and think about my other career options. I was wondering whether I could bring action against the European Parliament on the grounds that the ‘Human Rights Act’ discriminates against me as a dog! Or perhaps I should start lobbying for a change in legislation. If so much time can go into protecting the rights of foxes I would have thought there must be a bit of time free to consider the interests of man’s best friend!

What are my owners like? (That is a rhetorical question – any of you who have a view on it are probably best keeping it to yourselves!) Last night they only went and tried to play scrabble in Dutch. It took them an hour to have 5 turns each and then the longest word on the board only had 5 letters in it. It is amazing how excited a person can get when they discover that ‘feen’ is the plural of the Dutch for fairy! It certainly isn’t the winning that counts in this case. Why do they bother including a ‘Y’ in a Dutch scrabble game when the only words that have it in seem to be stolen from other languages? I really hope the number of words they know improves soon as watching them was really very painful.