Thursday 2nd February 2006

How is it I get the same dog food every day and they get to eat steak? The Frosties and the crisps sometimes fall off the plate onto the floor and I get a little bit but the best I got last night was some apple peelings when my owner was making the pudding. I am starting to understand how things work around here and I’m not sure I like it. Still all that will change when I have my own income. You wait and see. There they will be sitting down to the meal they have had to cook themselves when the doorbell will ring and it will be the pizza delivery I’ve ordered. You wait ‘til they try asking for some of my pizza. I’m not sure if I shall simply say no, or drop a few crumbs on the floor for them to lick up!

I really need to move this getting a job thing forward. I went to see the deer but it didn’t go very well. I got off to a bad start when I got a bad bout of hiccoughs as I introduced myself. Now being 11 weeks old, and a dog it was going to be difficult to get them to take me seriously at the best of times but I guess even I can see that faced with a puppy with hiccoughs saying he wants to learn to pull Santa’s sledge it is not altogether surprising that the whole group of them fell about laughing. The stag in charge said it was the best joke he had heard all winter. One of the younger ones was a bit kinder though and sat down and talked to me for a while. Apparently there are so many deer wanting to do it as their ‘calling’ that they are willing to do it almost for nothing. So on top of the need to be very fit, be prepared to spend 6 months of the year training at the North Pole, and being a ‘deer’ you really need to have money of your own or be able to get sponsorship. Having already established I am not cut out for a career in advertising, I can’t see sponsorship being very likely and I still need to get round the lack of discrimination legislation meaning they can still advertise the post as being for a ‘deer’.  So all in all the fact that I don’t fancy the temperature at the North Pole, assuming global warming doesn’t get a hold, is immaterial. I’m going to contemplate my future over a nice dog biscuit.

Alfie with a little help from Rosemary J Kind.