My Mistress is trying to lose weight. It’s not something I aspire to, but she does sometimes inflict her dieting ideas onto us. I think she is under the mistaken impression that if she has to suffer then so should we. She is half way to her target and I’m happy to steal food to fill in the gaps in mine. She wonders why I don’t lose weight easily, but she doesn’t see the things I scavenge. I’m not fussy and fortunately was born with the luxury of a cast iron digestion system so feel very little ill effect. I try to keep my thefts as little noticed as possible. It’s only when I’m really desperate that I will overtly steal a sandwich or a plate of something tasty. Most of the stuff is what gets dropped on the floor, where it seems that despite my age I’m still as fleet of foot as I ever was. I might not have the agility of the others but in a straight line where there is food involved I will win paws down. It’s better when there are children here as they have the amazing capacity for slipping foodstuffs they don’t like off their plates and under the table without so much as an eyebrow being raised. As long as I eat quietly I’ve found we can collude pretty well and are both happy with the end result.
My Mistress’s German learning is still progressing. Apparently she now knows enough to read 51% of articles on the internet. She pointed out that the flaw in this logic is that what it really means is she can read every other word.
I wondered how that might work out but using the last couple of sentences as an example you would get a very different meaning.
‘My xxx German xxx is xxx progressing. Xxx she xxx knows xxx to xxx 51% xxx articles xxx the xxx.’
It doesn’t make enough sense to be a real achievement
Alfie’s Diary – the Book is available at Amazon UK –https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B00583ZGSA
You can find short stories to read at www.alfiedog.com