Thursday 27th January 2011

Given that life is relatively quiet at the moment, I will use the opportunity to continue to enlighten today’s youth on the issues that we dogs face.

There has been much talk amongst my young canine friends recently about their respective training regimes, but none of them have been discussing the wider issue of education. I won’t knock learning deportment. Sitting and standing in the right way is not just about following commands, it is about finding the most comfortable position and making the most of it. These are things a dog should be doing at times and in places to suit themselves, not as a response to a human giving us orders. You have a mind of your own – use it!

Mores importantly you should be given the opportunity to learn to read and write, undertake mathematical calculations and know a little about the world around you. How else are we to take over the running of the country? In reality, humans are simply trying to keep us in a subservient position by denying us the basic right to all round learning. I realise from some of the emails and facebook comments that I have received that this is not true for all of you, but the real problem comes with those of our four legged friends that aren’t being given access to all this and don’t even know what they are missing.

We are being held back. It is shameful that there are children who are being provided with an education who don’t want to take advantage of the opportunity when there are dogs like us who would willingly be taking their places. Yes, of course I would like the opportunity to have cookery lessons. I can’t see all the ingredients making it into the dish un-licked, but I would like the chance to try. I do take part in my Mistress’s keyboard lessons so I am getting some musical training but these are things that should be available to all of us. Please don’t take that as an invitation for you all to come round and join in my Mistress’s music lessons as I don’t think she would be very pleased with me if that happened. She’d get a bit of a shock if she found a queue of her music teacher and a few hundred dogs waiting to come in.

However the point I am making is that it is time for education to be made freely and universally available to all canines everywhere. Some of us would be more successful than others but of course the same is also true of humans. I would like to lay down a challenge to all of you to see which of you dogs can be the first to get a university degree issued in your own name. Buying one from an ‘on-line university’ does not count!