Tuesday 6th March 2007

My mistress is in crisis. Albert the spider has disappeared. She was fine whilst he just wandered round the bath. Obviously, she wouldn’t have been all right if she had wanted to use the bath but she generally uses the shower. Now, however, Albert has moved. If it weren’t for the fact there is a shower head hanging down into the bath she would have been able to assume he had gone down the plughole but the shower head may have acted as an escape ladder for Albert and he could now be anywhere. My mistress’s imagination is such that in her mind he is not only anywhere, he is everywhere. I tried asking which was her worst nightmare, under the toilet seat or in bed but she didn’t seem to want to join in the conversation. Under normal circumstances I would have done my hero bit and eaten him but there is no way I am going anywhere near a bath on a voluntary basis. In the meantime I am having my own little crisis. The big bone that I found in the garden some while ago and have been trying to ignore was moved by the workmen that were here the other day and I can’t ignore it any more. I don’t know how it got here but it looks like a very big thigh bone and I wouldn’t want to meet the animal that used to wear that for a leg. I can only presume it was short but very stocky and very strong. What I don’t know is how it got here and I don’t think I want to find out. I am worried if I do any digging I am going to find some of its friends and I am none too keen for that to happen.