Saturday 13th January 2007

Scarily I was watching some advice on television that was talking about the recent storms. Don’t live close to big trees. What am I supposed to do now? Should I move house? Where I live is completely surrounded by big trees. Well if I remove the exaggeration there are big trees all round 2 complete sides of the house and yes they are big enough to fall on the house. I like trees. My mistress likes trees even more than I do, so she doesn’t want to move. She reassured me that because my bed was on the ground floor it was less likely to be a problem but what about when I sleep in her room? Of course I only get to do that when I am ill or when my master doesn’t realise I am there. I have done a full assessment and said I am prepared to sacrifice my spot by the radiator for a cooler spot on the other side of the room – on the tree-free side! I have also devised a little plan. Now I have observed that when I pee on things regularly it seems to have a bit of a corrosive effect. The grass is absolutely dead in patches. So I was thinking if I started to pee on a regular basis on the side of the trees that are not near the house, then maybe if they weaken they will fall away from rather than towards the house and everything will be all right. Perhaps I should concentrate on a test area first to see if it makes any real difference. It might only work if I invite all the neighbourhood dogs round to pee on our trees but they may be addressing the same problems for their own homes. It is possible they won’t have thought it through and that I could invite them round without telling them why but then they might pee on the wrong side of the tree. It might of course be easier to just move house.