For those of you who don’t know me, I’m Aristotle and I’m going to be writing the diary on Saturdays and Sundays now. I’m not a deep thinker like Alfie, although our Mistress does say I’m too bright for my own good, but I’m not really sure what she means. I’m the naughty one of the family. Alfie has the mistaken idea that getting me to write might ‘calm me down’ and help me to behave better. I just think it is an opportunity to tell you what really goes on around here.
Firstly, the birthday cake. Oh he’s whinged that he’s never had a cake before, but quite honestly if he had any sense, now that he has tasted a cake baked by our Mistress he will go back to asking for a steak on his birthday. I bet when he was pulling the ‘hard done to’ act that he didn’t mention the steak! He says it’s mine and my mum’s fault that the cake didn’t taste so good, but he would say that wouldn’t he. He is the most loyal dog you’ll ever find. Now don’t get me wrong, I’m loyal but I’m a realist too. It is not our fault that we can’t
tolerate wheat and so our Mistress had to substitute buckwheat flour instead of wheat flour. She says it reacts differently and that is probably why it was quite so solid. If you have read any Terry Pratchett Disc World novels you may have come across ‘Dwarf Bread’ which is known for its properties as a weapon rather than for eating – well Alfie’s birthday cake could give Dwarf Bread a run for its money! We still ate it, but it was easier after our Mistress cut it into small pieces to make it easier to digest!
Anyway, just to get a few points out of the way. Yes I am the one who jumps on Alfie for entertainment. Yes, I was the one who pooed on the carpet this week because it was raining and I didn’t want to go out and yes I am the one who licks the kitchen pans because I can stand on two legs and reach rather more things than the others can. However, I’m also very cute, loving and adore our Mistress. So that’s got that out of the way.
I’m going to start writing a series of updates on all my brothers and sisters, at least those that share the same mum. If any of you out that are children from Rino von der Untergass you are welcome to write to me to and I’ll tell everyone about you. I shall start with one of them tomorrow.
Have a great Saturday. I’m off to see if the washing up was done last night.
Alfie’s Diary – the Book is available at Amazon UK –https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B00583ZGSA
You can find short stories to read at www.alfiedog.com