Thursday 8th December 2011 – My Mistress is eccentric

I’m glad you all liked the picture of Shadow from yesterday. Please stop giving Ari ideas about running off with the ornaments in the background. It’s interesting they look like little Santas. They are in fact a family of gnomes. Years ago before Shadow was on the scene all the humans had a paint your own gnome for Christmas. Each one is painted according to the adult that painted it, except the one in the box in the kitchen which was my Master’s gnome. He was too busy helping Andy to paint his as Andy was quite small at the time. Helen’s is painted with nail varnish rather than paint. My Mistress added some white paint to her gnome’s hat, making it look like a trickle of bird poo down the back. Everyone else said it was in bad taste, but her argument was that it was more realistic! To be fair, the whole family regards my Mistress as slightly eccentric. They came in to find her wearing a pair of reindeer antlers yesterday and no one said a word. When she was upset that no one had ‘noticed’ they explained that they had but just thought ‘Well it’s what Rosemary’s do’.

I guess you can see where they are coming from when you hear that she has decided how

she wants to decorate the summerhouse, if she ever finished the insulation project. She is going to buy two copies of a number of her favourite books and then paste them page by page across the walls so that in dull moments you can read whole novels or poems. I hope the ones just puts at dog eye height aren’t too intellectual. Ari might be called Aristotle and my real name might be Einstein but that doesn’t mean we are intellectual dogs. It just means we have grand names.

I suppose now I’ve started on the eccentric vein I should give you the full set and tell you she has named her car. She hasn’t had a car that has needed a name for many years. The last one was just ‘the Alfa’ and mine is just ‘the barchetta’ but she decided that this one needed a name. She looked up the names of all the cars in Wacky Races and although she toyed with ‘The bouldermobile’ and ‘The crimson haybailer’ she settled on ‘Garfield’ who wasn’t in Wacky Races at all. Garfield is a CAT! Has she lost her mind?

Alfie Dog with a little help from Rosemary J Kind alfie@alfiedog.me.uk

Alfie’s Diary – the Book is available at Amazon UK –https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B00583ZGSA