Tuesday 17th July 2012 – How to annoy your dog

Firstly, look up the weather forecast where you are going on holiday without him. Secondly, look up the weather forecast at home, where he is staying. Thirdly, ask your dog to come to the computer and draw his attention to the difference! How inconsiderate does she need to be? The chance of rain here is decidedly greater than where she will be and the chance of shivering is decidedly greater where I will be. This is not fair. I know I don’t go in for sunbathing, but I do like the garden to be dry under-paw. I hate going out to pee on wet grass. I do actually quite like having a bit of a nap outside on the grass, when it is nice and dry and I won’t end up with rashes. Ah well, my own fault. I was the one who said ‘You will never get me on a boat again, not ever.’ I may have been a little hasty, but it’s no good my trying to reconsider it now – she just won’t buy it. Besides which, I’ve got my list of jobs to do while they are away and I’ve got Aristotle and the business to look after.

There is some good news for my week. My friend Tino the rabbit is considering a new business venture making good quality, healthy, dog treats. I have been roped in to be an official tester and to record my findings on the products. I am planning to take this very seriously and with my assistant, Aristotle, will test each item for smell, taste, texture and effects on my system. You may not want me to tell you too much about that last one. Anyway, my first samples will be arriving shortly so I shall have something to keep me occupied. I also had an email to say my products to test from Pedigree are on their way. I am going to be spoilt for choice. Obviously I will have to test each product separately so I know which has the best effects on me! The ones Tino is making may be tested by my Mistress too, depending on whether she can eat the ingredients. It’s revenge for all the testing on animals that has been done by the world over the years.

 Alfie Dog with a little help from Rosemary J Kind alfie@alfiedog.me.uk

Alfie’s Diary – the Book is available at Amazon UK –https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B00583ZGSA

You can find short stories to read at www.alfiedog.com