Today Aristotle and I have a very important lesson for you young dogs out there. It’s about securing the optimum position on the bed. Now, I don’t want to hear any of that wussy ‘I’m not allowed on the bed’ rubbish. If you aren’t allowed on the bed then you clearly aren’t doing it right. God has given you the most beautiful eyes and the ability to pull some very cute sad expressions. You need to use them to full effect. If you’ve got a problem doing that then let me know and we’ll do a whole other lesson on how to get that one right.
Back to the bed. You will notice from this picture that there is a blanket on the foot of the bed which says ‘dog’. Actually it says ‘Stop, only for dogs’. Anyway, we’re lucky as our Mistress is basically nuts to begin with and our blanket covers nearly half the bed, you may be that lucky, but you might find yourself expected to take up very little space at all. This is not acceptable. In our experience, and as you will see in the photo, we have found that if you make sure you lie sideways at intervals right across the bed it makes it impossible for anyone else to get in and take up your precious space. The danger if you like length ways is that they get in next to you and then body-roll you out of the way. That is not acceptable. If you lie diagonally then there is still chance for them to get under the duvet from one corner. This way they are either left sitting on their pillows or sleeping on the couch. The trick does work best if there is more than one of you and of course you need to be big enough to take up the whole space from one side of the bed to the other.
It’s an important lesson, so make sure you practice it as often as possible and do send me your photos showing how well you are achieving it.
You can find short stories to read at www.alfiedog.com
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