Monday 7th August 2006

It is most unfair, having not let me paint, my mistress has put all the brushes in my room to dry and told me not to play with them. As if the thought would even have crossed my mind! However, I may need to go and get some kitchen roll to try and clean off the pattern I have made on the floor with the drips, which are still a pinky colour, before she notices.

My master and mistress had their first bar b q with their new bar b q last night. What I really don’t understand is why men who don’t know one end of a spatula from the other and are not safe to be left alone in a kitchen suddenly become ‘experts’ when there is fire and charcoal involved. Spontaneously they think they look good in an apron and there is no question that any women around should be let anywhere near to be able to cook anything. Strange that the very women who have to cook every other day of the week and without whom the men resort to takeaways or beer as their main course are suddenly deemed to know nothing about cooking if there is a bar b q involved. Why can’t humans be more like dogs? It may of course be that no one makes fun of men if they set fire to the food on the bar b q, that is ‘normal’ when they do it in the kitchen that is ‘dangerous’!

Some of the wedding presents that my master and mistress got are some magic lights. They are amazing. You don’t turn them on or anything and they don’t have any wires or plugs either. They just sit outside all day and give off no light and then when it gets dark they start shining. My mistress has tried to explain that they are solar powered but I think they are just magic. The main disappointment is that they have put them all round the bits of the garden that they use rather than the bits I need to go out into at night to do my business. When I complained to my mistress she pointed out that if I got married then I could always get people to buy some for me, to which I answered “it may have escaped your notice but I’m a dog.” Duh! Well in fairness I actually said the “Duh!” as well and got told off for being cheeky but I am only copying those around me, admittedly the younger ones of those around me, but copying none the less.


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