{"id":1583,"date":"2007-12-05T09:35:48","date_gmt":"2007-12-05T09:35:48","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/oneandonly.me.uk\/?p=1583"},"modified":"2007-12-05T09:35:48","modified_gmt":"2007-12-05T09:35:48","slug":"wednesday-5th-december-2007","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/alfiesdiary.uk\/index.php\/2007\/12\/05\/wednesday-5th-december-2007\/","title":{"rendered":"Wednesday 5th December 2007"},"content":{"rendered":"

I\u2019m sorry children. I don\u2019t think there will be any presents this year. My mistress appears to have killed Santa. She claims it was an accident but to be honest I was watching and I\u2019m not so sure. There she was at the top of the stairs with Santa and a piece of rope. She said she was going to hang him from the landing. Now I know what your thinking, you are imagining Santa dangling from a noose, strangled to death, but that wasn\u2019t how it happened. She had just pushed him over the edge of the landing and he was dangling from the landing, hanging on to her, when she let go of him and he fell to the ground. Well, he just lay there, flat on his back not moving. I called my master for help but he didn\u2019t take me seriously. \u201cCome quickly,\u201d I shouted, \u201cmy mistress has killed Santa.\u201d Do you know what my master did? He just laughed. I was beside myself. Then my mistress sat down with me and I said, \u201cDon\u2019t you come near me. You just killed Santa.\u201d Then she rubbed my chest, so I started to forgive her. She explained to me that this wasn\u2019t the real Santa, it was just a pretend one that you put up for decoration. It wasn\u2019t alive at all, so she could kill it. It sounded fairly plausible so I went down stairs and sniffed all his vital parts and sure enough, she was right, so it was all a bit of a false alarm and maybe there will be presents after all. You will be pleased to know he is now safely hanging from the landing and has pretty flashing lights that light up the rope he is holding. It looks as though he is trying to climb up. It\u2019s rather fun and thank goodness he isn\u2019t dead.<\/p>\n

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I\u2019m sorry children. I don\u2019t think there will be any presents this year. My mistress appears to have killed Santa. She claims it was an […]<\/a><\/p>\n<\/div>","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":12936,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[2],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-1583","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/alfiesdiary.uk\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1583","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/alfiesdiary.uk\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/alfiesdiary.uk\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/alfiesdiary.uk\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/alfiesdiary.uk\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=1583"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/alfiesdiary.uk\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1583\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/alfiesdiary.uk\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/12936"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/alfiesdiary.uk\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=1583"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/alfiesdiary.uk\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=1583"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/alfiesdiary.uk\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=1583"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}