Whose diary is this anyway? Whose Woodland stories? It was bad enough being left out of a business lunch but now my mistress is going to a \u2018Writers Conference\u2019 and not taking me with her. She assumes dogs can\u2019t go but has she asked. Has she rung up and said \u201cMy dog Alfie is really the literary one of the family. Is it possible for him to register and me just to come and keep him company?\u201d It\u2019s all very well her gallivanting off to meet agents and editors and learn how to write in a more eloquent fashion but where would she actually be without me? I am her inspiration, her whole \u2018raison d\u2019etre\u2019 \u2013 of course I realise that should have an accent on but I can\u2019t find the right button on the computer!- She is going to regret this one. There will come a day when I am famous and they ask who has been my inspiration and who do you think I will say? Am I really going to give credit to a mistress who leaves me out at all the critical stages in the process? You just wait for them to roll out the red carpet especially for Alfie Dog to walk down it, it won\u2019t be my mistress by my side, oh no. It will be\u2026, ok it will probably be my mistress but I shouldn\u2019t really let her get off that easily. It\u2019s just that if I took my friend Elvis we would cause mayhem between us. He hasn\u2019t actually learnt any commands yet and can be a little unpredictable. He can only get away with it because he is so small.<\/p>\n
I am worried about my master. Since my mistress has been getting a new car he hasn\u2019t been able to take his nose out of the car magazines and seems to think he wants a new one too. I said to him if he was going to want a \u2018new car\u2019 that often he would have to choose something very small and probably second hand. I wonder if there are still any trabants out there.<\/p>\n
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