{"id":1036,"date":"2011-05-23T09:00:49","date_gmt":"2011-05-23T08:00:49","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/oneandonly.me.uk\/?p=1036"},"modified":"2011-05-23T09:00:49","modified_gmt":"2011-05-23T08:00:49","slug":"monday-23rd-may-2011","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/alfiesdiary.uk\/index.php\/2011\/05\/23\/monday-23rd-may-2011\/","title":{"rendered":"Monday 23rd May 2011"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>I\u2019ve been thinking about the end of the world and I\u2019m going to set up in business as a bookmaker. It\u2019s brilliant. You can offer any odds anyone wants to take against the end of the world and you can\u2019t lose. If they say they want \u20181000 to 1 on the world ending on May 24<sup>th<\/sup>\u2019 it\u2019s easy to say yes. Either the world ends and I won\u2019t have to pay out or I win. It\u2019s as simple as that. It\u2019s the perfect business scenario. I wonder if there are any legal issues about a dog setting up business as a bookmaker who only takes bets on that one event?<\/p>\n<p>Meanwhile back to the advice to you young pups. Now this is an important one so do take note. It\u2019s great to chase your tail. The game is fantastic and you can go on for hours, but don\u2019t ever catch it. Being taken by surprise by someone biting your tail is bad enough without finding it is something you have done to yourself. Always stay a good centimetre distance from the end to avoid unnecessary surprise. It also prolongs the game.<\/p>\n<p>If you suffer from hayfever or other allergies and many of us do, it will not go down well if you sneeze all over your human\u2019s feet, especially when they are wearing sandals or are completely bare footed. Proceeding to wipe your nose on their trousers or shorts (or leg) will only add insult to injury.<\/p>\n<p>The couch or the duvet are always the best places to sleep whatever they tell you about the floor or your own bed. Just because they are paying for the furnishings doesn\u2019t mean you shouldn\u2019t get chance of using the best ones. Remind them that you would pay if only you were allowed to have your own bank account and failing that act like you want to cuddle up to them and use your puppy dog eyes to best effect, it works on all but the hardest hearted humans. Lengthy debates and argument about being their best friend and offering to share your things may wear them down over time, but will certainly not get the desired result as quickly.<\/p>\n<p>Alfie Dog with a little help from Rosemary J Kind <a href=\"mailto:alfie@alfiedog.me.uk\">alfie@alfiedog.me.uk<\/a><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<div class=\"mh-excerpt\"><p>I\u2019ve been thinking about the end of the world and I\u2019m going to set up in business as a bookmaker. It\u2019s brilliant. You can offer <a class=\"mh-excerpt-more\" href=\"https:\/\/alfiesdiary.uk\/index.php\/2011\/05\/23\/monday-23rd-may-2011\/\" title=\"Monday 23rd May 2011\">[&#8230;]<\/a><\/p>\n<\/div>","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":5286,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[5],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-1036","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-wisdom-and-experience"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/alfiesdiary.uk\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1036","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/alfiesdiary.uk\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/alfiesdiary.uk\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/alfiesdiary.uk\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/alfiesdiary.uk\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=1036"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/alfiesdiary.uk\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1036\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/alfiesdiary.uk\/index.php\/wp-json\/"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/alfiesdiary.uk\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=1036"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/alfiesdiary.uk\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=1036"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/alfiesdiary.uk\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=1036"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}